Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Labour Cnuts

This past week has taught the good serfs of blogdom to be very careful indeed about their choice of epithet for the powers that be, lest you find the fourth estate (muck-)raking through your wheelie bin at 3am. Well-mannered loons have, of course, no need to descend to crudity or profanity to convey their opinions of those that misrule us.

To business though, it struck me this week that Gordon Brown reminded me of nothing more than famous old King Cnut*, desperately trying to turn back the incoming tide. Of course in the PMs case it's a tide of revulsion that he is attempting to block, as discontent among the electorate with New Labour's many and varied failures seems to increase by the day.

A Cnut in the Brown stuff

Similarly his fawning acolytes are themselves revealed to be a bunch of Cnuts, each of them trying to hoodwink us with claims to be our saviours, claims that are all the more outlandish given that 12 years of their unenlightened rule have led us to this sorry state. No matter what tall tales they try and spin however, these Cnuts will not succeed in turning the tide in their favour.

Scholars and/or pedants among you will doubtless recall that old King Cnut was actually demonstrating to his slavishly devoted followers the limits of his kingly power. He could no more turn the tide back than sprout wings and fly to the moon. Perhaps someone should tell our modern day Labour Cnuts the same thing.

Nae man can tether time nor tide;
ye'll soon be skelped on your backside!

*King Cnut is sometimes known by the anglicised form, Canute.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Welcome to the Brigadoon Broadcasting Corporation

Well, since the BBC website is hacking and coughing this morning, and since an unrelenting work schedule has finally (albeit briefly) relented, I thought I'd keep any of you still checking in on Brigadoon abreast of the latest news...

New EU President to be announced

EU leaders will today name the BBC test card doll as their preferred candidate for the post of EU president. In a move seen as warding off attempts to parachute Tony Blair into the job, the heads of 26 member states will rally around the inane, grinning puppet and tell him to stick to bringing peace to the Middle East.

Tories 'split on Europe'

Political pundits were reeling yesterday as it emerged the Tories might not all agree on Britain's relationship with the rest of Europe. By 9am this morning the BBC had received no complaints that this rag-tag bunch of right-wing xenophobes have repeatedly been invited onto the prestigious Question Time programme.
More scoops: Ursine quadraped defecates in sylvan wilderness; Pontiff sports unusual head adornment; Rangers blow it again, Celtic determined to match them.

Where did it all go wrong?

Audit Scotland have announced that Scotland is facing the biggest budget squeeze since devolution in the years ahead. If anyone has any information on the whereabouts of the two men pictured opposite, they are urged to contact their faces with clenched fists or similar blunt instruments.