Class acts

"Down, down, deeper and down", as the Quo memorably put it. With the expenses furore plumbing new tennis courts (surely "depths"?), it's amusing in a macabre sort of way to compare and contrast the "requirements" of Labour and Tory MPs...

Labour

• Mock Tudor beams
• As much free grub as possible
  
• Refixing bog seats (see previous item)
  
• Second (third, fourth, ...) homes
  
• Holiday home in balmy Southampton
• TVs
• "Educational" movies
• Bath plugs
• Glittery bog seat
  
• Imaginary Council Tax

Tory

• Helipad
• Swimming pools
• Light bulb changes (for the Shadow Skills Minister - you couldn't make it up)
  
• Moat dredging
• Piano tuning
• Fixing stable lights
  
• Horse manure
• Plumbing in the summer room

Suffice to say I think we still have some way to go before we become a classless society.