Fourth span wobbling

I see that close inspections have revealed an alarming state of decay in a large, increasingly reviled UK structure. Unprecedented levels of corrosion have been uncovered in the very heart of this hulking monstrosity. At least 350 nuts have been found to be of inadequate stature. Lacking any firm foundation they have been susceptible to uncontrollable spinning and the cracks are now becoming all too apparent.

Many of these nuts have only been in public service since 1997, yet some have failed almost from their first day of employment. So many of these nuts are now breaking free that the entire ugly edifice is in imminent danger of collapse. Although the hideous behemoth was due to be replaced in 2010, it is surely now advisable to scrap it forthwith.

Spot the Bawbag

Competition Time! Roll up, roll up for your chance to win an Easter e-Egg*! Simply guess which square in the picture below contains a bawbag:

"Heids you loser!"

* e-Egg may contain nuts, but probably not. I wouldn't bet on any chocolate either.

Poll results: Would you back Tory plans to break up the nationalised banks?

Yes: 2 votes
No: 0 votes
Only the biggest: 2 votes

Thanks for your votes, erm, all 3 of you!

Murphy: Gonnie gies twa pandas?

So Jim Murphy spent his time in China wisely, asking his hosts for a pair of pandas to bring back to a Scottish zoo. Sweet Lord have mercy on his soul, are pandas really what Scotland needs in these dark economic days? It certainly seems that Murphy's hastily arranged jolly was simply an exercise in one-upmanship, getting in ahead of Alex Salmond's long-planned trip. And if he really had to have some souvenirs, could he not have chosen something to fit in his suitcase?

Bamboo-zled

Besides, it's not as if Scotland is exactly lacking in pandas. Indeed, on my morning constitutional through the woods of Brigadoon I managed to snap these two, admittedly rather straggly, specimens. Devoid of energy and utterly impotent, the prospects for this sad pair and others of their ilk are grim. Their future survival hinges on their ability to find a few green shoots, but their chronic short-sightedness leaves them blundering around, trampling all over any signs of growth. A mass extinction looms...

Poll results: Who do you blame for the demise of Dunfermline Building Society?

DBS: 3 votes
FSA: 9
The Treasury: 12
Alistair Darling: 14
Gordon Brown: 16
Fred Goodwin: 0

Looks like Broon will need a big G20 bounce to recover from this latest debacle. Thanks again for all your votes.