Exciting news from Westminster tonight. The Labour government have been defeated in a vote on the ongoing discrimination in favour of the Shirkers. At issue is the right of Shirkers to remain resident in the UK and to claim morbidly obese pensions and porcine expenses. The government position has been that all of the Shirkers will continue to enjoy special rights and privileges but without assuming any of the responsibilities that their position normally entails.
Following the government's humiliating defeat legislation must surely now be introduced to put an end to this immoral abuse of the nation's generosity. 350 Shirkers are currently on active disservice, many having served themselves loyally since 1997.
At PMQs Nick Clegg, barely able to contain his spleen, excoriated: "If someone is prepared to lie to this country, surely they deserve to leave this country". Joanna Lumley is very nearly 63.
According to the LibDems list of rebels on the BBC News webpage, none of the Labour MPs from Scotland voted against the government. Not a single one.