101 uses for Iain Gray: #72 Cartographer Royal

Did my eyes and ears deceive me yesterday dear reader? Iain Gray, digging ever deeper, like a hyperactive mole on steroids late for an appointment at the optician (ok, with hindsight perhaps I spent too long listening to Bill McLaren clips), attempts to land a blow on Republican Rose and Wee Eck with this abject non-story about the Balmoral footpaths. Jings, crivvens, help ma Boab! What a scandalous dereliction of duty by those SNP ne'er-do-wells! The outrage was palpable, palpably desperate. Right to roam? Gray seems more interested in his right to drone.

Worth a mention in passing is the Daily Telegraph's headline writer - clearly feeling that "Republican" was insufficiently bilious they plumped instead for the positively poisonous "Antimonarchist" in Simon Johnson's article. Even here in Brigadoon I could hear the loyal subjects of Tunbridge Wells spitting their Darjeeling out.