Pillory Sad Oaf

As I groggily awakened from my six month hibernation, this year's slew of April Fool's Day japes in the media were all too obvious. I suppose it must be difficult to come up with a fresh angle on it every year, so credit at least to the Scottish media for the clever wheeze of coordinating their efforts this time round.

But seriously, to expect their long-suffering audience to believe that a shambling, inarticulate, hobo-like character, with crazed, staring eyes and a finger permanently set to "jab" is the Labour contender for First Minister! Ah, the scamps! As if that wasn't obvious enough they've even saddled him with the sobriquet, "Iain Gray MSP", a painfully transparent anagram of "Aspiring Yam", a cruel commentary on the sub-tuber intellect of this benighted fellow.

Animal, vegetable or mineral?

Roll on midday when the Labour Party will reveal their real candidate!

A right royal rant

In these troubled times what is exercising the little grey cells of the chattering classes of Scotland? The prospect of shipyard closures on the Clyde? The imminent loss of hundreds of jobs at two of Diageo's plants? No dear reader, worthy though these stories might be of attention, a far graver matter faces the nation. Prepare yourselves. Forty-eight of our MSPs didn't bother to go and listen to the Queen giving some speech or other. Alas, whither Scotia?!



Treachery though it be, I'll confess that I didn't bother to listen to Her Majesty, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that "her" speech consisted of the usual platitudes and banality that she's restricted to in order to remain apolitical and avoid giving offence (Big Phil on the other hand...). Happy to be corrected on that point mind, please relay to me any great profundity that she imparted to us plebs using the comments below.

So why the stushie? Why is everyone proclaiming this to be a day of shame for the parliament? Whatever happened to that idea of Scotland building a modern, egalitarian, 21st Century democracy? Or the pride and glee we all shared when "A man's a man for a' that" was sung to the Queen at the official opening? Straight out the window! Get a grip Scotland!